Author Archives: tanyerhide

Giving you a taste of – The Momma Guide one chapter at a time –

Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing
~ Helen Keller

A mother is just a mother. That is what many people think. They 
do not see the sacrifices us moms make daily for our children.
When a woman decides to have a family, she fully knows what is
involved, or, at least I would hope so… this job is more of a challenge
than any other job in the world.
You have to be a teacher, mediator, nurse, taxi driver,
nutritionist, and many other things. We wear many hats! Nevertheless,
nobody seems to recognize our contributions.
We do not think most mothers care whether they are honored or
not. Most are alive with the knowledge that they can take care of their
family.

Some mothers work, go home, and are a mom. We have to cook
dinner, cart the kids around to their activities, balance the checkbook,
wash, fold clothes, and various other tasks. This makes it very hard to
balance work and family life.
Some people put these moms down because they feel she should
be at home with her kids. Of course, most of the time, this comes from
women without kids.
If you work, you do not have as much time to spend with family
and friends. Most of your “chores” have to be done on the weekends.
You are constantly being distracted by your children and worry if they
are okay.
It is impossible for some people to stay at home and moms should
not feel guilty about it. On the upside, your children are learning how to
play with other children and having fun. Many times, our children do not
even want to go home! That hurts a little…I am sure we have all been
through that at some time or another!
You will also know that you are contributing to the family’s
income. Many women love their job and want to continue with it, even
though she could afford to stay home. That is okay too. A mom needs to
fulfill her life in any way she can.
At least there is a special day for mothers. This is when our
families honor us for all we have done. Real moms do not care…we’re
just doing our job!

Foster Mother
The child welfare system places children in “foster homes” when
the natural parents cannot raise them because of the parent’s physical or
mental illness. The child’s behavioral struggle, troubles within the
family, sexual, mental, or physical abuse may be the problem. This is a
short-term placement until authorities decide what to do with the child.
Some of you may have experienced fostering children. I suspect
that it is a very rewarding job, even though we hate to see them
go…most of them anyway. ☺
Foster placements are supervised until the birth family can
present right and proper care or privileges of the birth parents are ended
and the child is adopted.
Foster mothers are there for these children because they want to
be. They should be as loving and caring as a birth mother…maybe even
more, since they know what the child has been through.
“The world is round, and the place which may seem like the end may also be only
the beginning.”
When the child is sent back home or adopted, there is a bond that
needs to be broken. The child has bonded with the foster mother and
vice versa. This can be hard on both the child and the foster mother.
Mothers are nurturing creatures that grow to love anyone in their
care…but they know this going in.
In some cases, the foster family adopts the child should they
become available because they have actually become a part of that
family.

Step Mothers
It’s always hard when daddy marries again. The children think of
the step-mom as the big, bad, wolf. It really has nothing to do with the
woman; they just think that she took their dad away from their mom.
You must help your children adjust. Be sure not to talk bad about
their new step-mom around them…although if you need to vent, catch a
friend.
Encourage your ex to take them fun places as a family. This way
the children can get to know the step-mom. You know she probably
feels funny too, so that will be good for everyone.
Try not to be jealous of her. (A lot to ask, huh?) One day you
will probably meet someone else with kids, and then you’ll be in her
shoes.

Adoptive Moms
If you decide to adopt a child, be ready for a great change in your
life. You have to be sure that is what you want…as well as the child. Of
course, when it’s a baby, it is much easier. They have not bonded with
anyone yet. Nevertheless, babies still have feelings too.
Hold them a lot, play with them, talk to them, etc. Babies are
resilient and adapt a lot better than older children.
Okay, adoptive moms, you have to win the child over. They may
be a little shy at first but, never fear, it should go away.
Do not get your feelings hurt. Remember this is a child whose
world has been turned around…for the best I hope.
Your spouse has to play an active part as well. He needs to
experience feeding, bed-wetting, and changing diapers. For a toddler or
older, there are many different things that need to be done.
Both of you take them out on little excursions, teach them
something every day, try to get them to talk to you, praise them, and let
them know you are there whenever they have a problem and want to
talk. This will help them bond to you.
Some of these children do not even remember their birth
mothers; others do and still love them. Maybe they don’t know the
whole picture. They can still remember their mother if they want to, but
eventually YOU will become their mom.
There are many changes for the parents too. Be prepared to help
them with problems, communicate, show them things that they have
never seen before, reward them for good things they do, and so on.

Long Distance Mothers
When daddy is on active duty, you must balance parenting with
the needs of the armed forces.
Nervousness may show up in many ways. Your child/children
might act younger than normal, have trouble with sleep, cannot
concentrate, or stomachaches. What they need most now is
encouragement that they’re safe and keep up the stability of routines.
Remember that old television. Limit television time. Try not to
let them see the news, because we all know there can be menacing
reports. Make sure they stick to their schedules. Reassure them that dad
will be home soon. Say a prayer each night for his safe return.
Moving, changing jobs, and helping children to change to a new
school is a way of life that is both challenging and gratifying. This really
takes a “super mom” because you are balancing more than most of us
non-military mothers.
You need to know what it’s like to be in a military mom’s shoes.
She must be conscientious with money and worry about their husbands
as well. It is a hard lifestyle; learning to be a military wife.
Find fun ways to help your children in a constructive manner.
Get a calendar and mark down the days until their father will return from
deployment. This will be fun for them and lets them know that the day is
getting closer.
The most nerve-racking times for a military wife is when their
husbands are supposed to transfer, but they don’t know when or where
they’re going. You usually find out at the last minute.
While your husband is gone, you are on “active duty” yourself.

Single Moms
Being a single mom is very demanding. We moms are the ones
that have to work, take care of our children, pay bills, fix dinners, and
buy things we need for extracurricular activities.
If you’re lucky, your ex will give your child support and help
you with extra expenses. Nevertheless, there are many “deadbeat” dads
out there. I’m sure there are many of you that have experienced this
frustrating situation. Bad, bad ex.
We all need “our” time too. Many of us may be dating or have
something that we would like to do, but cannot because we have to be
there for our children.
Get a babysitter if your children are young, or ask your ex to
watch them if you have somewhere you want to go. You NEED this
time or else you will end up a “screaming mimi.” Then who would take
care of your kids…you might even lose them if you cannot take care of
them.

Positive anything is better than negative thinking.
As a divorced parent, you need to move on with your life. After
awhile, you need to start meeting people again. This can be awkward for
you and twice as awkward for your children.
Maybe you don’t want to marry again, or you might meet
someone right away. Don’t listen to others…it’s your life!
However, they can lend an ear, and if you are lending the ear, do
not judge. Just be there for your friend.
The parting that takes place in divorce can often times be as final
as death.
Love has a way of finding you when you least expect it.
The children feel that someone else is taking the place of their
dad and will take you away from them.
Sit them down and let them know you will always be there for
them, and that you could never love anyone more than them. This is
very common, but you can overcome it with careful planning.
We should not introduce the new fellow until we are sure that he
might be someone we would be willing to marry. This way the children
aren’t attached…but they usually bond after awhile. If you break up, you
will have to deal with another loss (both you and the children.)
Every now and then, talk about dating a little. See what the child
thinks about it without telling them you are already dating. This will
give you an idea of how things will go when you meet someone you
want to bring home.
Explain to your new guy how you feel. He may think that you
just don’t want him to meet your kids. If he is a good feller, he will
understand. You both will know when the time is right.
First babies can be taxing and wonderful at the same time. Trust in
yourself and know that you automatically have the skill to care for
your child. Your children will give you strength.
Mother’s Day was fashioned as a day for each family to honor
their mother. It celebrates motherhood in general and the optimistic
contributions of mothers to the world. It is celebrated on the second
Sunday in May.
Mother’s Day is a modern belief, not to be confused with the
16th century celebration, of Mothering Sunday.
It is the result of a campaign by Anna Marie Jarvis, (1864–1948)
who, following the death of her mother on May 9, 1905, dedicated her
life to creating Mother’s Day as a national and later international,
holiday.
There are many names for mothers…mom, momma, mamma, mum,
and Madre, etc.
No matter how we say it, it means LOVE and LOTS OF IT!

There are two ways of meeting difficulties: you alter the difficulties, or you alter
yourself to meet them.
- Phyllis Battome

Quiz
 What is “Mother’s Day?”
 What are five different names for “mother?”
 What is the name for the first “mother’s day?”
 You need “you” time. What happens if you don’t get it?
 Can all dads be made to pay child support?
 Who can help?
 What does “mother” mean to you?
 Should you bring your new boyfriend home and introduce
them to your children immediately?
 How can your children feel when you start dating?
 If you break up with a person that has already gotten to
know your children…and they like him, what will you tell
your kids?
 What should you tell your new guy about not introducing
him to your kids right away?
 What’s the hardest thing about being an Army Wife?
 How are some ways you can make time pass for you and
your children while your husband is deployed?
 Name two hats that mom wears.
 What is fostering a child?
 Is it good for a woman to work when she has a family?
 Can foster parents adopt the child that they are caring for?
 Can a woman have a career as well as a family?
Put your interest in the future, because you are going to spend the rest of your life there.